Retreat at Chico, Calif., Friends Meeting

I can't imagine too many readers of my blog (and Facebook) page haven't already heard the news, that Robin was chosen to be Executive Secretary of Friends World Committee Section of the Americas. I'm very proud of her -- enough to agree to move to Philadelphia this summer, after the school year is over. Since I grew up in New Jersey, it will seem a bit like coming home, though it's going to be hard to leave San Francisco Meeting as well as the professional friendships & relationships I've developed here over the last 16 years.

Meanwhile, last weekend, Robin and I co-presented at a retreat for a cluster of meetings in northern California, including Davis, Grass Valley, and Chico, hosted by Chico Friends. If we hadn't agreed to this before Robin's job announcement, I don't think we would have accepted. As it was, the weekend gave us a nice time away among Friends, some of whom we knew and many of whom we didn't. (Thanks to Jim A. & Janet L. for hosting us.)

Chico is a college and agricultural town, and the Friends Meeting there is growing. It helps that they purchased a building just a few years ago, a former Church of the Brethren building. Our boys had other children to play with during the weekend, which was nice.

Here is an outline of the weekend.

Building the Quaker Community

Chico Friends Meeting Cluster retreat April 1-3, 2011

Chico Friends Meeting House, 1601 Hemlock Street, Chico, California

Friday:

7 pm welcoming activities at the meeting house

[snacks, conversation, singing]

Saturday:

8:30 coffee, tea, rolls

9:00 worship

9:30 welcome, introductions

Icebreaker: Say your name, what religious tradition (if any) you grew up with, and what your name for the divine is now as an adult

10:00 Robin and Chris Mohr: shared thoughts and activities

A. Robin and Chris present

a. Robin describes image of the church/meeting as a spiritual “midwife” (from Wess Daniels' presentation at Quaker Heritage Day, and Robin's thoughtful blogpost afterward)

b. Some ways Quaker monthly, quarterly & yearly meetings have served as midwives for Robin & Chris

c. Some ways in which Robin & Chris have served as same to others

B. Discussion: Reaction and Q&A: Thoughts? responses? What is the potential strength and power of this image? What are the limitations of this image? [Note: One person mentioned a bad experience with a midwife, so we talked about that. We took time to discuss limits of metaphors, the concept of malpractice can arise in any human endeavor, and the applicability of other metaphors, such as shepherd or gardener.]

C. Worship Sharing: We broke into two smaller groups
2 queries proposed:

a. Who in your life has given you spiritual nurture or acted as a spiritual midwife?

b. Whom have you helped spiritually nurture or served as a spiritual midwife?

D. Closing thoughts

E. Closing worship

12:00 Simple lunch at the meetinghouse

1:00 Building the Quaker Community

[opening exercise, breakout groups, and full group discussion]

Open with a “sociometric exercise.” In this exercise, a statement is read aloud, and Friends align themselves along a continuum of agree/disagree with the statement. (There can also be a second dimension, such as “comfort/discomfort with my level of agreement/disagreement.) We did something similar at College Park's Spring Quarter on the topic of diversity. There, though, we usually aligned along dyads (theist/nontheist, Christian/universalist). Here, the goal is simply to gauge relative placement in response to one topic at a time, and to take a very short time to debrief why people clustered as they did.

· “I publicly identify as a Friend."

· “Growth and change are a good and necessary part of a Quaker meeting.”

· “I expect to be held accountable by Friends for my behavior at meeting.”

· “Membership is a vital part of defining the Quaker community.”

· etc.

The full group then discussed these topics together.

3:00 snack break

3:30 Chico Friends present:

[a series of brief presentations about new developments in our meeting, with

discussion and related experiences from others: topics include outreach, incorporation, membership, winnowing sessions, Quaker structures and levels of Quaker community.

5:00 Closing reflections and worship

5:45 Dinner at local restaurants

[groups of 4-6 will join at recommended local restaurants of choice for fellowship and a taste of the town.]

Sunday:

9:30-10:15 Singing

10:30-11:30 Worship

12:00-1:00 Simple lunch

optional activity:

1:30 CROP walk for world hunger [walk through local park sponsored by area interfaith council.]

Childcare provided on Saturday

Gratitude for Grace

As I wrote in a 2008 post about another family mealtime grace, "Our family usually has mealtime grace at dinner. Each member of the family gets a turn to choose how to pray: silence, sing a song from a prescribed list, or speak a prayer. (Six Year Old [now 9] sometimes chooses laughter, but that's another story.)"

Yesterday evening at dinner, I noticed that we hadn't had our usual family grace. I decided not to say anything, but to wait and see what happened.

Midway through the meal, Twelve Year Old said, "We didn't have grace. It's Nine Year Old's turn."

Who promptly chose a moment of silence, concluded by quietly saying, "Amen."

I am grateful that this practice is sticking!

Phone call with an 11 year old

(This is a more or less verbatim transcript of a phone call I had about eight months ago. H. was then 11 years old.)

*ring*

H: What happened?

C: You need to say hello first.

H: Oh. Hello. This is H.

C: Hi H., it's Daddy. I just need you to ask Mommy about whether or not I need to put a cover on the apple crisp in the oven.

H: Ok, I'll ask her. Bye.

C: No! Don't hang up! I need you to tell me her answer.

H: Oh, ok. [asks Robin about the cover]

H: No, you don't.

C: Ok, thanks.

H: Bye!

C: Bye.

Busy Season

I haven't had a chance to post much lately. It's been a mite busy around here. There was Affordable Housing Week in May as well as some staff transitions and budget issues at work, plus Quarterly Meeting and our monthly meeting's retreat also in May, and then the end of the school year came this month with presentation night and portfolio day and school plays, on Tuesday the big end-of-school meeting for worship and celebration in Golden Gate Park, sleepaway Quaker camp at Ben Lomond Quaker Center for 11 Year Old this week, and no camp for Seven Year Old this week. Whew!)

Anyway, I read a great book several weeks ago, and today I had a chance to capture the good bits, which I'll post separately.

Here's a photo immediately after the end of the all-school meeting for worship, 6/16/2009:

Here's a photo of the boys before they left for the last day of school:
And for comparison, this is what they looked like on the first day of school in September 2008:

Wildflower Hike 5/28/09

Today I went on the first grade wildflower hike with the first grade from San Francisco Friends School.

Seven Year Old was SOOO excited. Last night before he went to sleep, he grinned repeatedly, and said, "Daddy, Daddy, you're going on the field trip tomorrow!"

I went on the same hike when now-Eleven Year Old was in first grade. That time I had to leave a little early; this time I got to stay the whole time and carpool with another parent and child, which was nice.

The hike was in the Marin Headlands, in the Golden Gate National Recreation Area, specifically on the trails above Rodeo Lagoon. I love Rodeo Lagoon, and hadn't been there in either a year or two years.

The day was overcast with fog -- known 'round these parts as the marine layer -- which was thick enough to hide the sun and keep it quite cool but thin enough to let plenty of UV rays through. I got a bit sunburned because I put only a little bit of lotion on.

The best part of the hike came at the beginning. One of the two first grade teachers called the children around him, calmly, quietly, without yelling. They were quiet and rapt as he explained about the trail, where we were going, and just a few guidelines.

Then a few hands went up. "Don't step on plants." "Don't pick the flowers." "Don't touch poison oak." And so on. The children were so quiet and attentive, it was beautiful. The result of practicing learning together as a community with a respect for one another and with an ability to be together in silence. It was truly rewarding to see.

We walked about a mile and a half up the hall, to where some remains of the former military batteries are. On a flat piece of concrete we ate lunch, and the children were instructed to find three types of wildflowers to sketch. The rocks and the ruins were more interesting than the flowers for many of the children.

I was disappointed that we didn't walk back down the hill after lunch in silence, which the teacher had said we would do. Oh, well. I would have liked a brief moment of silence in a circle to close the hike, too, but we didn't. I wasn't one of the people in charge, so I was okay with that.

Overall, I am so glad that I carved out the time from work to go. I enjoyed talking to the other parents, and seeing Seven Year Old in one of his "native environments" outside the home, interacting with his friends. He had a good time, and though he didn't feel the need to stay by my side most of the time, he was really glad I went. So was I!

Happy earth day with Tom Chapin

Today I had to take the children to school, as Robin was heading out early for a work meeting.

I decided to grab a Tom Chapin CD, as that had served me well recently on a day when I picked up the boys. In particular, Seven Year Old has been quoting the song, "Dog Rules," so I wanted to find the one with that on it. I couldn't. (It's actually a tape in our collection, which wouldn't work in the car I was driving. But I digress.)

Instead, I grabbed a CD with various songs about recycling and the environment. Good enough. We made it to the car and got going. Meanwhile, Robin had left the car radio on KFOG, the classic/contemporary rock station. Their on-air guest was talking about Earth Day.

Oh, right! I forgot it was Earth Day.

That's when I realized I had grabbed Chapin's CD, "This Pretty Planet." And song 12 is "Happy Earth Day"! It felt as if I had been guided to it. It was nice to listen to it, even during part of my day when the children weren't in the car.

At the end of the day, when I asked the boys how their Earth Days had been, Ten Year Old said he had gone to the Eco-Kids club meeting in the after-school program and wrote two letters. One was to Pres. Obama about pesticides and another to Pres. Obama by way of Greenpeace. So we can expect to get mail from GP now. (He carefully pointed out that he didn't put his school email address on it, and he doesn't check his email anyway.)

Finally, here's a link to Robin's post, Further Appreciation of Tom Chapin.

Affirmation circle: Story of a 5th grade basketball team

Ten Year Old played on the 5th grade basketball team this year, with other students from the Friends School in a league at a city rec center.

Following the last game of the season a couple of weeks ago, the team gathered for a pizza party in a room at the rec center.

Once most of the team was there, along with a hefty chunk of the parental population, the boys gathered in a large circle, mostly rather quiet and calm. In fact, I was struck by just how quiet and calm they were. No doubt part of it was they were tired after a day at school and then a game on the court. Yet clearly, they were simply used to drawing together, without anyone asking them or directing them.

Coach Chris, one of three coaches for the team and the lead PE teacher at the school, asked for a moment of silence. Whatever chatter remained disappeared. There was some rustling, but still an air of calm and quiet fell about the place.

A few minutes later, Coach Chris asked the team to share an affirmation of something or someone from the season. He said that once the first person said something, then it would go around the circle in order from him. Students could contribute their own affirmation, echo what someone else had said, or pass.

After a less than half a minute of waiting, the first student spoke up. He thanked the three coaches for their help and the parents for their support. Many of the students echoed his remarks. Another boy thanked the parents of another student for giving him rides to practice. When my own son's turn came, he said that boy had spoken for him -- the same parents had given my son rides, too.

One of the last affirmations came from a boy who thanked a teammate for his efforts, saying that he hadn't started out as the best player but he had really worked hard and been a leader and inspiration for the others. This coming from a 10 or 11 year old boy about another one -- wow!

The final affirmation came from the staff coach at the rec center. I believe this was his second year working with teams from the Friends School. He was warm and full of praise for the team and they way they supported each other. I couldn't help but think that this team must be a bit different from most he works with. They sure didn't win many games, or even score that many points, but they had a spiritual maturity that was awesome to behold.

Another Day, Another Tooth

The day after I wrote that last post, Seven Year Old lost his other top front tooth. Once again, a basketball to the face hastened the inevitable. Two days in a row he gets a basketball to the face! Poor kid.

Pretty charming though.

The Grace of a Ten Year Old

Our family usually has mealtime grace at dinner. Each member of the family gets a turn to choose how to pray: silence, sing a song from a prescribed list, or speak a prayer. (Six Year Old sometimes chooses laughter, but that's another story.)

Tonight, we didn't observe grace. Robin left before dinner to go to a committee meeting at Ben Lomond Quaker Center. She is serving her last meeting as clerk of the board of directors tomorrow.

So tonight at bedtime, Ten Year Old said, "Daddy, if we had had grace tonight, it would have been my turn. I would have spoken a prayer. I would have said how lucky I am. I said that another time on my birthday. Another time, I said silence, but then I thought of a prayer, so I just said it in my mind."

There was another time recently -- not his birthday -- when Ten Year Old shared a vocal prayer at dinner. He gave thanks for the food and our family, and for how blessed we are, and he asked for help for those who need it. He went on to say something like, "Take care of Yourself, so you can be okay and help people."

I wish I had written it down at the time! It was really touching for him to be concerned with God's own Well-Being. Beautiful.

God, how blessed I am. Help me remember that in every moment, and to give thanks to You continually!

Quakertown!

I grew up in central New Jersey. My dad grew up in Bethlehem, Penna. My paternal grandfather, Howard, was an accountant for Bethlehem Steel.

I didn't learn that until my grandfather's funeral, when I was about 12 or so. According to a former neighbor that day, he had also been treasurer for his church -- which was Lutheran, I'm pretty sure. "Howard was so good at it. He knew where every penny was!" the neighbor said.

Also at that funeral, I learned that my dad had played first base -- just like me! I'm not sure I had known that before. What can I say? My male forebears were definitely members of the silent generations.

My grandfather was born on a farm. Some time when he was a boy, he moved to the closest town: Quakertown, Penna. He wrote about it for my cousin Lindy when she had a school assignment to gather some family history. He wrote such a great narrative about moving to town that she copied and mailed it to the rest of the family. (I'll have to ask her for a copy; my mom probably has my dad's copy, in a drawer that's far away.)

I've often wondered what interaction, if any, my grandfather had with Quakers in Quakertown, what he thought of them, and what he would think of me becoming one, which happened well after he died.

As regular readers of this blog will remember, in January I flew back to New Jersey to help my mom pack up and move closer to my oldest sister, in upstate N.Y. I drove the rental truck by myself. My mom and sister followed a day later in her car. I actually flew home before they got there.

En route to upstate New York, I drove on the Penna. Turnpike to the Northeast Extension of the Turnpike (476), past towns like Gwynedd, North Wales (where my grandfather lived most of his retirement), and Plymouth Meeting that recall the Welsh and Quaker and Quaker Welsh history of that area northeast of Philadelphia. And where else would you find a town named Bala Cynwyd?!

So anyway, there it was, listed on a sign on the Turnpike: Quakertown!

I just had to get off and visit. I trundled the 16-footer off the exit, turned left at the Wawa, and drove nine miles to town. I imagined the fields being where my grandfather had grown up. I had no idea how far out of town they had lived before moving.

Then I got to the downtown. It has that look of old, long-settled villages in the Northeast: close-together houses, steep roofs, twisty narrow roads trying to accommodate the modern SUVs and pickups. Strip malls and convenience stores on the state highway at the edge of town.

When I was a child, we didn't visit many relatives besides my cousins and grandfather, usually for Thanksgiving and occasionally at other times. We also used to go to the Kutztown Fair (where my main memory is being held by my dad, probably when I was about three, while he was smoking, and the cigarette touched me briefly and burned me.)

My dad had an uncle and aunt and cousin who still lived in Quakertown, I think. We must have gone to Quakertown at least once, because I had a dim recollection of the Liberty Hall, built in 1772. Seeing that building stirred an old, old memory of going there as a young child, and hearing about how the Liberty Bell was there briefly.

Finally, before turning around and heading back to 476, I stopped at a locally owned bakery and bought a coffee and pastry to give something back to the local economy. That was the extent of the visit. Oh, I also bought gas at the Wawa on the way back to the Turnpike, but that money wasn't going to stay local anyway. So the truck trundled back onto the Turnpike, and that was this Quaker's visit to Quakertwon.

_________________________
P.S. The "Quakertown Alive!" website of the Upper Bucks County Chamber of Commerce has a picture of Richland Friends Meeting as part of its webpage masthead. How cool is that?