Gratitude for Grace

As I wrote in a 2008 post about another family mealtime grace, "Our family usually has mealtime grace at dinner. Each member of the family gets a turn to choose how to pray: silence, sing a song from a prescribed list, or speak a prayer. (Six Year Old [now 9] sometimes chooses laughter, but that's another story.)"

Yesterday evening at dinner, I noticed that we hadn't had our usual family grace. I decided not to say anything, but to wait and see what happened.

Midway through the meal, Twelve Year Old said, "We didn't have grace. It's Nine Year Old's turn."

Who promptly chose a moment of silence, concluded by quietly saying, "Amen."

I am grateful that this practice is sticking!

Class Meeting for Business

This was the 3rd grade newsletter for my son's class recently.

Some of you have heard the terms “Class Meeting” or “Meeting for Business” being used to describe meetings wherein the class discusses issues. We would like to use today’s newsletter to detail what these Meetings for Business look like.

When a student has a conflict with another student (or a group of students), the initial student first tries to solve the problem by being assertive. We have given the students explicit language and tools to try, e.g., “I feel (feeling) when you (specific action). I want you to stop (or other desired behavior).” With this language, the students learn that each of them has a responsibility to solve their problems.

However, sometimes the problems are more complex or difficult to resolve. In this situation, after the initial student has put forth significant effort, he/she tells the other parties involved, “I don’t think we can solve this problem on our own. I’m going to write it down in the Class Meeting Notebook.”

We don’t introduce the Class Meeting Notebook until we have developed a safe classroom environment, in which students have developed a strong sense of trust and support with one another. Our roles as teachers, during the Meeting for Business, are to make sure the discussion stays on topic, remains productive, and that no one ever feels like he/she is being attacked. We achieve this by asking thought-provoking questions, which help students find their own solutions to various problems. We also facilitate the discussion by making sure only one student speaks at a time, and providing the opportunity for all voices to be heard.

Then, during our next Meeting for Business, with the teachers guiding the conversation, the child brings the issue to the class. First we hear from all parties involved, followed by those who witnessed the event, and finally other students can share their thoughts, following the Quaker idea that the collective wisdom is greater than the individual. We hear from both the alleged “victim” and “perpetrator”, but by the end of the discussion, it comes to light that we all share responsibility for our actions during any given conflict.

The purposes of our Meetings are as follows:

• The students learn how to resolve their conflicts independently.
• They listen to one another, while controlling their behavior.
• They grow to be appreciative of one another’s perspectives (learn to empathize).
• They learn how to live and work together as a community.

We hope this clarifies our Meetings for Business for you. If you should have any more questions, please email your teacher.

-- Rich, Amabelle & Sarah

I'm impressed with the ways in which the SF Friends School tries to incorporate vital Friends practices into the classroom.

Hardly Strictly Doc Watson

Last weekend was the 10th annual Hardly Strictly Bluegrass Festival, the free, three-day extravaganza in Golden Gate Park (www.hardlystrictlybluegrass.com).

For a couple of years now, Robin has held a Sunday morning meeting for worship on the grounds of the festival. However, as clerk of the meeting, I felt called to stay and clerk worship at the meetinghouse. (It was an especially small meeting last week, as many women from our meeting were participating in a retreat at the Sierra Friends Center, but that's another story.)

I think we've been going to the bluegrass festival since the 3rd year, but I'm not sure. We didn't go to the festival on Saturday this year, the first time in a while. This year's festival felt like it should have been called "Hardly Bluegrass," as so many of the acts were rock musicians, most of them perfectly fine musicians with stellar name recognition, but hardly folk let alone bluegrass.

We stayed at the "Banjo Stage" and heard the old-timers and classic players, like Earl Scruggs, Del McCoury, and Doc Watson, and caught the Anderson Family Bluegrass Band at another stage on the way out. (They were good, with players ranging from 9 and up!)

Here's (most of) what 87-year-old Doc Watson and David Holt played:
- Downtown
- (instrumental fiddle tune)
- Little Sadie
- Nine Pound Hammer (Roll On Buddy)
- Freight Train
- Black Mountain Rag
- Wabash Cannonball
- Deep River Blues
- Little Log Cabin in the Lane
- The Train That Carried My Girl from Town
- T for Texas
- I Am a Pilgrim and a Stranger
- Working Man Blues
- Keep on the Sunny Side

He ended with a blues tune that included the lines, "I've got the blues, and I can't waste any time." A search of those lyrics doesn't turn up any obviously relevant titles, so I'm not sure what that song was.

Anyway, it will be quite something if Doc can make it back next year at age 88!

It is from self-absorption we must be saved

A couple of years ago I read If Grace Is True: Why God Will Save Every Person by Philip Gulley and James Mulholland. I wrote out a passage I liked at that time, and it's been sitting on my dresser since then. So it's time to put it out there.

This is from page 151; copyright 2003 (I think) by the authors; emphasis added:

Salvation comes with believing God loves you unconditionally. It is abandoning the misconception that you are rejected because of your bad behavior or accepted because of your goodnewss. Only when we repent of this self-absorption and focus on God’s love can this love alter us. Then and only then can God transform hearts darkened by sin and soften hearts hardened by self-righteousness.

It is from this self-absorption that we must be saved. Often, when I speak of my belief in the salvation of every person, someone will object that without the threat of hell, people would sin wantonly. They consider the possibility of eternal punishment as the only deterrent to human selfishness. Unfortunately, if this is true, even serving God and loving our neighbor become acts of selfishness. Self-absorbed choices, by their very nature, separate us from God and from others.

I learned this from Jesus.

I read Gulley's most recent book, If the Church Were Christian, a few months ago, and noted several sections for me to come back to later, so maybe you can look forward to my thoughts on that in about three or four years. :)

Phone call with an 11 year old

(This is a more or less verbatim transcript of a phone call I had about eight months ago. H. was then 11 years old.)

*ring*

H: What happened?

C: You need to say hello first.

H: Oh. Hello. This is H.

C: Hi H., it's Daddy. I just need you to ask Mommy about whether or not I need to put a cover on the apple crisp in the oven.

H: Ok, I'll ask her. Bye.

C: No! Don't hang up! I need you to tell me her answer.

H: Oh, ok. [asks Robin about the cover]

H: No, you don't.

C: Ok, thanks.

H: Bye!

C: Bye.

20 years of Quaker meetings

Today at meeting for worship I realized this week marks 20 years since I attended my first meeting, at 15th Street Meeting in Manhattan. It was either 9/16 or 9/23/1990.

I went because I didn't like the buildup of US military forces in Saudi Arabia, following Iraq's invasion of Kuwait. The Quakers were speaking out against it, so I thought I'd check it out.

Months before, a friend of mine from where I worked, a major publishing house, had encouraged me to attend. She thought I would like it.

I found the meeting incredibly powerful, at a gut and heart level. It was just so profound to see this group of people sit in silence together, in the middle of the biggest US city.

At the rise of meeting, I introduced myself, and gave credit to my friend for encouraging me to attend.

She came up to me afterwards and said, "Chris, I don't think anyone here even knows me! I attend the meeting in Flushing, Queens. I just happened to come here today because we were running late and didn't have time to get out there."

Ah, synchronicity. It's been a consistent theme in my experience of Quakerism.

For those with ears to hear, let them hear.